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| South China Sea (the little floatie things are ships) |
Pulitzer Pride goeth before the fall.
My goal today is to expand my readership and finally be nominated for that elusive Pulitzer Prize. (hint, hint). I have found a little known category so maybe I have a better chance if I get nominated for: Travel Writing - Sub-category: Hot, Sweaty Countries. Therefore I have decided to write about a past trip to the country of Singapore and surrounding lands.
In the late 1700’s Great Britain sailed all over the globe looking for stuff to bring home. They were the world’s first hoarders. In the process of visiting various geographic locations the Brits would “claim” those locations. Once I tried to “claim” a vehicle when I went into a Ford truck dealership. The results were less than satisfying when they chased me out with a tire tool. I guess I should have said it with a British accent. Anyway, Singapore was one of the nations that the British claimed. Singapore eventually declared its independence from Great Britain in 1963. In fact, nearly all of the countries under the control of Great Britain have since withdrawn from the British Commonwealth. This must have been a big blow to British pride.
The Independence movement was fueled by resentment to the Brits for starting the practice of driving on the wrong side of the road. What is it with the British and wrong way driving, anyway? It seems like most the countries in the world still go the wrong way. Not like here in the U.S. Can you imagine if we had to start driving on the left side of the road? Every fast food place in America would have to rebuild their drive thru area or figure out how to throw food across the passenger’s seat to the driver. This could have serious financial and culinary repercussions. Not to mention the mess.
Singapore is located on the very tip of the Malaysian peninsula. It is separated from the mainland by a channel of water. So Singapore shares her northern border with Malaysia and her southern one with the South China Sea. I don’t know if the sea actually “shares” anything with Singapore. It probably just tolerates the nation, knowing that it could easily flood the country, on a whim, with a minor Tsunami. But is there such a thing as a minor Tsunami? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a silent “T” in front of sunami? Probably the Brits.
Singapore has a worldwide reputation for having a government that keeps rigid control over the population. For example: littering is forbidden and if you get caught, you have to eat whatever you threw out. This explains why you never see anyone illegally dumping scrap tires.
Singapore may be the tiniest country in SE Asia, but I can’t be sure. I did not bring a tape measure. It is so small that Singapore does not allow Sumo Wrestling. There is not enough room for two wrestlers to be in the country at the same time. Interesting fact: Singapore invented the flat screen TV because of space limitations with bulky traditional tube TV sets. OK, I made that up. But the Sumo thing might be true.
Singapore’s economy is based on international commerce. They have a population of about 500,000 and they get 12 million visitors a year. This country is non-Christian, yet at Christmas time the whole place gets decorated with Xmas lights. I have never seen such elaborate decorations. A cab driver explained to me that Singapore decorates in order to in attract visitors and make them feel like spending money. Note to self: Do not allow the fetching Mrs. Intrepid Traveler to visit Singapore.
The first time I visited Singapore, in 2006, I also visited Indonesia. I was traveling with our South East Asia Manager of Sales, who was a Frenchman. At the end of the first day, we took customers to a local bar. I don’t want to say we got drunk, but we were well lubricated. It was Karaoke night, and since we were feeling no pain, there were no inhibitions when the microphone was passed around to sing. You have not lived a full life until you have listened to an intoxicated Frenchman, singing “The green, green grass of home”, with a French accent, in an Indonesian bar.
The next day I paid dearly for being over-served alcohol. To say I was hung over was like saying the Titanic was a minor boating mishap. I was not in good shape. And as luck would have it, my French colleague had set up an appointment for us to go see someone that had an interest in my product line. Damn.
We went to the customer’s office, which was just a metal shack in an industrial area. He was on the phone when we walked in. He motioned us to sit. He was puffing away on a cigarette and there was an ashtray full of butts right in front of me. The smoke and odor from the ashtray was not helping my recovery. My stomach was queasy and my head was throbbing. There was a small window AC unit vibrating on the wall but the noise was the only indicator that it was on.
As we sat there, waiting for him to finish his interminable phone call, I could feel my skin start to prickle. I was imaging a nasty looking bug or something worse crawling up my shin. It felt very real but I tried to ignore it. Damn, I am never drinking again. Is this what Alcoholics experience? The creeping sensation became more noticeable. I could stand it no longer. I abruptly pulled my pant leg up and there was a large, nasty looking bug making its way up my leg. I quickly knocked it off, and felt a huge relief that I was not going thru some kind of hideous alcohol withdrawal.
After the bug incident, I don’t recall anything else memorable from the trip. I apparently made it home safely since I lived to write about it. Aren’t you lucky. And until I told the world of my bug incident, I still had some pride and dignity left in me. I know now what it feels like to be British.
In the late 1700’s Great Britain sailed all over the globe looking for stuff to bring home. They were the world’s first hoarders. In the process of visiting various geographic locations the Brits would “claim” those locations. Once I tried to “claim” a vehicle when I went into a Ford truck dealership. The results were less than satisfying when they chased me out with a tire tool. I guess I should have said it with a British accent. Anyway, Singapore was one of the nations that the British claimed. Singapore eventually declared its independence from Great Britain in 1963. In fact, nearly all of the countries under the control of Great Britain have since withdrawn from the British Commonwealth. This must have been a big blow to British pride.
The Independence movement was fueled by resentment to the Brits for starting the practice of driving on the wrong side of the road. What is it with the British and wrong way driving, anyway? It seems like most the countries in the world still go the wrong way. Not like here in the U.S. Can you imagine if we had to start driving on the left side of the road? Every fast food place in America would have to rebuild their drive thru area or figure out how to throw food across the passenger’s seat to the driver. This could have serious financial and culinary repercussions. Not to mention the mess.
Singapore is located on the very tip of the Malaysian peninsula. It is separated from the mainland by a channel of water. So Singapore shares her northern border with Malaysia and her southern one with the South China Sea. I don’t know if the sea actually “shares” anything with Singapore. It probably just tolerates the nation, knowing that it could easily flood the country, on a whim, with a minor Tsunami. But is there such a thing as a minor Tsunami? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a silent “T” in front of sunami? Probably the Brits.
Singapore has a worldwide reputation for having a government that keeps rigid control over the population. For example: littering is forbidden and if you get caught, you have to eat whatever you threw out. This explains why you never see anyone illegally dumping scrap tires.
Singapore may be the tiniest country in SE Asia, but I can’t be sure. I did not bring a tape measure. It is so small that Singapore does not allow Sumo Wrestling. There is not enough room for two wrestlers to be in the country at the same time. Interesting fact: Singapore invented the flat screen TV because of space limitations with bulky traditional tube TV sets. OK, I made that up. But the Sumo thing might be true.
Singapore’s economy is based on international commerce. They have a population of about 500,000 and they get 12 million visitors a year. This country is non-Christian, yet at Christmas time the whole place gets decorated with Xmas lights. I have never seen such elaborate decorations. A cab driver explained to me that Singapore decorates in order to in attract visitors and make them feel like spending money. Note to self: Do not allow the fetching Mrs. Intrepid Traveler to visit Singapore.
The first time I visited Singapore, in 2006, I also visited Indonesia. I was traveling with our South East Asia Manager of Sales, who was a Frenchman. At the end of the first day, we took customers to a local bar. I don’t want to say we got drunk, but we were well lubricated. It was Karaoke night, and since we were feeling no pain, there were no inhibitions when the microphone was passed around to sing. You have not lived a full life until you have listened to an intoxicated Frenchman, singing “The green, green grass of home”, with a French accent, in an Indonesian bar.
The next day I paid dearly for being over-served alcohol. To say I was hung over was like saying the Titanic was a minor boating mishap. I was not in good shape. And as luck would have it, my French colleague had set up an appointment for us to go see someone that had an interest in my product line. Damn.
We went to the customer’s office, which was just a metal shack in an industrial area. He was on the phone when we walked in. He motioned us to sit. He was puffing away on a cigarette and there was an ashtray full of butts right in front of me. The smoke and odor from the ashtray was not helping my recovery. My stomach was queasy and my head was throbbing. There was a small window AC unit vibrating on the wall but the noise was the only indicator that it was on.
As we sat there, waiting for him to finish his interminable phone call, I could feel my skin start to prickle. I was imaging a nasty looking bug or something worse crawling up my shin. It felt very real but I tried to ignore it. Damn, I am never drinking again. Is this what Alcoholics experience? The creeping sensation became more noticeable. I could stand it no longer. I abruptly pulled my pant leg up and there was a large, nasty looking bug making its way up my leg. I quickly knocked it off, and felt a huge relief that I was not going thru some kind of hideous alcohol withdrawal.
After the bug incident, I don’t recall anything else memorable from the trip. I apparently made it home safely since I lived to write about it. Aren’t you lucky. And until I told the world of my bug incident, I still had some pride and dignity left in me. I know now what it feels like to be British.
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