DENIED



whoa!

DENIED

In my younger days, back in high school, I rarely dated.  I was very shy and could not stand the thought of approaching a girl and being rebuffed.  I think that is a common feeling since no one would want to feel the pangs of being rejected.

Fast forward a few decades.  I was scheduled to go to Perth, Australia for a large industry trade exhibition.  This event is held every other year and I missed out on being able to go last time. So, I was excited that I would finally get to visit Australia.  This was going to add another country to my list and also a whole new continent.  I would then only need to visit Africa and Antarctica and I would have gone to all the continents on earth.  That would be very cool.

I had our company travel agent book the flights, and made my plans.  I would be gone for more than two weeks.  No matter how excited I was in making this trip, 16 days is a long time to be away from the fetching Mrs. Intrepid Traveler, my dog, and my farm.  But sacrifices must be made.

A few days before departure, I went on an Australian government website to see what the weather would be like and what points of interest would be near my location.  It was going to be late summer in the land down under. Last year I got my scuba diving certification and I wanted to take advantage of some water sports while I was there.

On this website I found the entry requirements for the country.  And to my surprise, there are about six countries that need an entry VISA to get in to Australia; the United States being one of them.  Damn, who’d have thought the Aussies would have any restrictions for Americans to come down under for a visit?  No matter, I just had to fill out a simple online questionnaire and pay $20 for processing. 

When I was done, I was supposed to get an email with my confirmation number.  Instead, I got a message saying:  “Check back in 12 hours for the results”.  Twelve hours?  OK, but I leave in a few days, so I hope this does not become a problem.

I checked my email the next day and saw in the message the word:  DENIED.  I was denied entry in to Australia!  Whaaaaa?  There had to be a clerical error. Maybe I put a wrong digit in the credit card number or got a letter out of position on my name.  So I re-submitted and waited another 12 hours. But I got the same results.  Panic is starting to set in now.  The departure clock was ticking and I didn’t have an entry VISA. 

I called the Australian consular office in Washington DC.  A lady with a melt your heart Australian accent began working with me to get this issue sorted out.  We went thru the same questions I answered on line.  She could not understand why I had a problem before.  She asked if I was in good health?  “Yes”.   She asked if I was of good character?  (gulp. by who’s standards?)   I paused, then said “yes”.

She called me back several hours later and said she could not fix the problem because there were multiple attempts for me to register.  The system had me locked out.  ARRRRGHH. Of course there were multiple attempts.  I was trying to get an F-ing hall pass to go to F-ing AUSTRALIA, FOR GOODNESS SAKES!  She said my only way to get a VISA was to visit the nearest Consular office in person and get this resolved.  The nearest office to me was her office, in F-ing Washington DC! , which was halfway across the country and my flight was scheduled to leave Houston in 8 hours.  ARRRGH.

I finished packing, kissed the wife and dog goodbye and headed to the airport.  There had to be someone there who could fix this problem.  I was flying Singapore Airlines and a counter attendant listened to my quandary.  She got on line and tried to register me too.  She made several phone calls but no one could get in to the “system” to even find out why the VISA was denied.  This was way worse than that shy high school boy being turned down by the cheerleader to be my date to the prom.  I was just spurned by a whole country.  25 million people don’t want me!   But I am really a good person, why don’t they like me?

I gave up.  I threw in the towel. I know when I am not wanted.  I gathered my luggage, called the van service and had them take me back to my SUV in the long term parking.  On the long drive home, I started thinking about all the stuff I really didn’t want to do in Australia anyway.  I didn’t need to go diving and run the risk of being stung by a Lion Fish, or eaten by a Great White Shark.  I had no use for meeting an Australian Aborigine or buying a gallon sized can of Foster’s beer at a local pub. 

I feel stupid about all the hours I wasted in preparing for this trip.  I immersed myself in the Australian culture by watching hours of Crocodile Dundee movies.  I collected a dozen or more recipes on how to prepare fresh Koala.   And what am I to do with these croc skin boots and leather vest?  In the big picture of life, who really needs to add another country and a new continent to their list?  Who the hell is counting countries and continents visited anyway? 

Sadly, I am.