Olympics and other crazy events

Olympics and other crazy events

This has been an interesting week.  For those of you who may be reading this blog article a year or a decade from now, possibly after it has been awarded that elusive Pulitzer Prize for “Oddest writing style on the weakest topic”, this week is the first full week of the 2012 Summer Olympic games, being held in London, England.

The opening ceremonies of the 2012 games were highlighted, in my opinion, by Agent OO7 and the Queen of England parachuting in to the stadium during the opening of the games.  I really liked it when the Queen, upon safely landing, spiked her crown on the turf, then did a war whoop and a double back flip.  I think it scored a 9 out of 10.  It would have been better had Mr. Bond not immediately shot the Queen, suspecting she was an imposter.  That’s what she gets for stepping out of character. 

There have been the typical heartwarming tales about specific Olympic athletes.  A perfect example:   In the Kayak event, the New Zealand kayaker was disqualified by his mother, for brushing one of the poles in the race.  I bet she also sent him to bed without dinner and admonished him not to run with scissors or talk with his mouth full.  I also understand that she asked him if all the other Olympic athletes jumped off a cliff, would he too? Turns out she was a real judge in the event and had to score her son’s performance.  In the entire world there are not enough judges to keep this guy from having his mom penalize him? 

It was heartbreaking to hear that the Olympic swimmer from Mexico came in fourth in his event, and did not receive a medal.  This is surprising to me.  Some of you may remember that I wrote a blog entry decades ago (actually Sept of 2005) that said the wet-backstroke was the official Olympic swimming event in Mexico.   I guess all the best Mexican swimmers have already made it across the river to the U.S. 

And there’s the female javelin thrower from Paraguay.  She is beautiful, and readily admits she has no hopes of being competitive in her event.  She is there at the Olympics to promote her own modeling career.  At least she is honest and realistic.  She will earn more gold in that field than in Track and Field.

The crazy events of this week have not just limited to the Olympics.  I happen to be in Mexico City for a business conference.  I found out yesterday that my personal Yahoo email account was hacked.  Someone used it to send a message to everyone on my Contacts List that I had gone to London for an “unplanned vacation” (yeah, right, during the Olympics?) and there I got mugged.  The message said all my money and credit cards were taken, and I needed money.  The hacker gave a number to wire funds to.  In today’s 24 hour / Global culture, it is interesting that I first found out about this scam from a friend who is in India.  I later heard it from a friend in Buffalo New York.  I am still waiting to hear from my mother.  I think she is busy judging the Olympic kayak events.  Thank goodness she is not judging the Olympic blog writing event.  All my boyhood misbehaviors would come back to haunt me big time.

I quickly sent out a note to everyone in my Yahoo Contacts list that the message was a fake.  I had not been mugged, and it was a scam.  But if they wanted to, they could send me money anyway.  I was really touched that several people contacted me to make sure I was all right.  Even my Insurance Agent wanted to double check my safety.  She contacted the fetching Mrs. Intrepid Traveler to find out about my condition.  (I must have some policies due for renewal soon).  One person, who I don’t know, but I had emailed a message to regarding a fence that separated our properties, used the opportunity to remind me, in a return message, to Trust in Jesus.   Gee,Thanks.  Trust him to wire me $?

My daughters knew instantly that this was not a message from me since there were no hidden jokes in it.  Or subliminal messages, like:   vote Republican, or buy your dad a new chainsaw for Christmas.   And I am sure my wife knew too, since she knows I live in dread of putting myself in a spot where she can say “I told you so”.  So, I appreciate all the concerned friends who contacted me and their messages telling me that my account had been hacked.

It is pathetic in today’s world that a stranger half way around the world would fabricate an attack on me to solicit a sympathetic reaction for money.  (That’s my job) Now I have to come up with another scam to tug at your heartstrings.  I will have to rely on my brains and intellect.  Damn.  Maybe this time someone will send money.  You still have a chance to prove that you are a caring, concerned Yahoo Contact person.  Just fill a manila envelope with large denomination bills for the “Hacked Victim Fund” and leave it under the mat.  Or, better yet, stuff the Queen’s crown with cash and drop it off.  I saw it rolling around on the ground and am pretty sure she no longer has a use for it.

Edible Pandies

Edible Pandies –

My first visit to China - part three

When you travel to a new country there typically is a language barrier.  For me, anywhere I travel there is a language barrier.  Sometimes just a slight difference in accent is enough for my ears not to understand what was just said.  Eight years ago my wife and I took the kids across Canada on a long vacation. On a few occasions my kids had to translate the Canadian accent to me.  They would look directly at me, hold my face in their hands and slowly repeat the English I had just heard from the English speaking Canadian.  I would nod my head like I understood, then shut up and go sit in the corner.   Verbal communication can be a challenge to me, yet I have somehow managed to stay employed for three decades by verbally communicating with people.  It is a good thing I have smart clients.  Or maybe there is a benefit to me being a manly hunk of eye candy.  OK, it must be the smart clients.

When I visit a new country it is common for me to have a meal with whom I am there to see. This trip was no different.  On my first day in China I ate a late lunch with the fellows that my company has partnered up with.   I was starving.  It was after 6pm and I had not eaten since breakfast.   The director of that company, Mr. Chen, could understand no English and, as mentioned above, rarely can I.  So Jack, our trusty interpreter, had a tough job.   Mr. Chen was doing his best to find common ground between us.  We spoke of our families and a few other topics.  I gathered from this that he was married to an automobile and has a son with two noses.  Or maybe not.

Mr. Chen told me a little about this region of China.  He babbled on for a moment or two.  Then jack explained what he said.  Part of it was this:

Mr. Chen:  “Near this city is the area which is famous for the Giant Pandas.  Do you like Pandas?”

Bill:  “Yes, I think they are delicious”

Mr. Chen did not seem to appreciate this comment.  Jack must have said something inappropriate.

The waitress brought out several bowls of steaming dishes to the table.  I followed my host’s lead, and un-wrapped my chop sticks.  I have used chop sticks before and to me it just seems silly for a culture to keep using these things after knives and forks were invented.  Western eating utensils, in my humble opinion, expedite the food - to - mouth process more efficiently than using tapered sticks. 

I tried to use the chopsticks to grab bits of food from the nearest serving bowl.  I had no idea what it was but my growling stomach told me to eat it.  They watched in amusement as I repeatedly chased that portion of food around in the dish with no success.  This went on for several, long, awkward moments.  Now I know why Asians are slender.  There are only 24 hours in a day and this method of eating could consume most of that time and still not give me enough nourishment to fuel a game of tic-tac-toe.

By the end of the week, however, my host remarked that I had become much more proficient at using chopsticks.  He wanted to know how I learned so fast.  I told him it was simple.  Starvation is a great motivator.

There are two things that really don’t set well with me with this culture’s dining behavior. The first is that they use their chopsticks to grab food out of the communal bowl, then put the food directly in to their mouth.  Then they repeat the process over and over again.  I began to fixate on them sticking the chopsticks in their mouths then putting them back in to the food dish.  I tried to remember the spot where I had seen them grab food from and avoid it when it was my turn to pick from the serving bowl.  But that was a losing battle.   I could not stop obsessing about the germs leaping from their mouths to the sticks, then to the serving bowl.  I felt like I was eating out of a giant petrie dish of contamination.  

The second cultural meal time trait which I found irritating was the tiny size of their napkins.  Since I was eating with tapered sticks instead of a fork, the food tended to get away from me during the transit from the bowl to my mouth.  I had to rapidly stuff the food pieces in to my mouth before it has a chance to escape my grasp.  I ended up with as much food on my face as in my mouth.  So using these postage stamp size napkins was a bit frustrating.  I had to use a whole handful of them in order to stay tidy. 

So, that was pretty much my first day in China.  Pretty riveting stuff, I know.  And it will make my wife happy to read this.  She is always afraid I will inadvertently cause some international incident and she will see me on CNN standing in front of a firing squad.  Why would the Chinese want to do that to me?  I love their favorite animal.  I hear they are delicious.